Monday, February 9, 2009

The worst gay related hostilities that I have suffered

In response to Tina's spot:

1. For some reason this one stands out: My very first gay friend was hard core butch. I was raised very sheltered and she was surprised that I had never ate a taco from the roach coach. So she swore about this taco truck in East L.A. borderline Montebello. It was around 6p.m. and it was dark. I had just come out so I was pretty much femme. We were waiting for our tacos and these Hispanic men started talking major shit in Spanish. I wasn't used to that, my friend started getting scared. I was more pissed at the fact that they assumed we were together. I put my arm around her and said to them in Spanish: She is a better man then any of you. At this their eyes widen and they said, "that is because you never tried one of us" at which I said, "Who has me?" they started getting pissed. My friend started telling me in English to stop and let's leave, I wouldn't move. I then told them, you guys don't get it, do you? The way you look, the way you smell and especially the way you treat women, makes those of us that look like me, go to her. At that point my friend stared at them, they cussed us out and left. My friend told me never to do that again. blah.

2. My sister was going to go on a double date. My niece and nephew needed a sitter of which I have always been readily available for. The other couple had a daughter around the same age as them, she was like 7. The father would not leave her with me. My sister kept bugging and bugging as to why and he finally said, "well, you know, your sister is a LESBIAN". He was Persian and the way he said it made it sound disgusting. My sister got mad and told him, "yeah, you idiot, she loves women she isn't a pedophile". I didn't watch the kid, and my sister didn't like the guy after that, it was her husband's co-worker.

3. I was married. I did it because I felt it was "the right thing to do". I left him 2 months short of our 2nd wedding anniversary. I used to be really close to my mom, in fact I got married because I swore to her that I would leave the house "dressed in white". I really think parents know, deep down they know, they just choose to ignore it. Anyway, my ex-husband was getting the feeling that I was gay so he went to tell my mom. My mom immediately called me at work and told me off. She said I was not welcomed at her home without my husband. It broke my heart. When she hung up on me, I left work and moved out of the apartment that I had with him. Two days after that, my mom called me and told me that she was so sick that she needs to go to the hospital and that if she died it was my fault. She told me she was disgusted with me. She didn't talk to me for 6 months. Our relationship has not been the same.

4. One day out of the blue my dad told me that lesbians have yellow teeth. My mom told him to shut up, he continued, he asked me if I knew why they had yellow teeth. Mind you, I am not verbally out to them, and when he was going in that direction my face turned red and I didn't know what to say, he wasn't expecting an answer, he said, "because the way they have sex, they go down where they pee". He was dead serious, looking right at me. At the time, I was still dealing with my sexuality, still in the closet and still afraid of them. I can't tell you how much that statement fucked with my head.

5. I started this new job right when this guy started, his name was Shawn. He was African American, bald head, really skinny, I just remember these long eyelashes on him. He would flirt with me, I never really paid attention. One day, in the office with a bunch of women, they got H.R. to take out a copy of his license, it said "Sandra 'F'". I can honestly tell you, I had NO idea. I wasn't out and the way these woman were making a big deal of it, was really awful. He got fired for no reason. I called him and told him what had happen and told him if he needed me to, I would be his witness, see, the same woman that got H.R. to pass his copy of his license around, had been listening to my private phone conversations and had pieced together that I was gay. She started spreading the rumor that I was hooking up with Shawn. Shawn got a settlement and I moved out of that job, quickly.

6. I started working at a hospital. The guy that was set to mentor me seemed gay so after much talking I came out to him of which he told me he wasn't gay and told me to keep that to myself. Said a lot of people would make my life miserable if they found out I was gay. I worked graveyard and it was only two of us on that shift. One chick that was hired was 'family'. Not only because of the way she looked AND smelled, besides the fact that she had on guy shoes, she had this small rainbow, triangle earring on. I came out to her of which she told me to not spread rumors about her (she came out) but she quickly told everyone I was gay. I didn't know she did this but I started noticing certain nurses leave the locker room when I would go in to change. I started getting treated "differently".

7. I left that job, and got back into the accounting field with a small company here in L.A. about three years ago. The owners were Orthodox Jews. I kept getting the women of the office asking me if I was dating and one trying to set me up. I came out and one day I was fired. No reason given. I sued them.

8. I desperately found another job. It was my first week at work and I was an assistant to one of the partners. The other assistant asked me to go with her to lunch. We went and she started talking to me about this guy that was gay. She went on and on about it. She was very religious and you can imagine what she was saying about homosexuals for the whole lunch time. I kept my mouth shut because of my previous situation of which I was going through the law suit. I was scared and traumatized. It ate at me inside. I felt like a loser for not standing up for him, but mainly for ME. My friend that worked for MTV understood how low I felt and quickly got me into the industry. When I gave my notice my boss asked me to be honest with him, of which I did and he completely understood. My last day there she wanted to take me to lunch. She kept telling me she really liked me and couldn't understand why I was leaving after only being there a month. I reminded her of my first week there and how she brought that guy out. She remembered. I told her, "it affected me. I felt ashamed that I didn't stand up for US." She didn't understand, of which I told her, I am gay, I'm a lesbian. She couldn't understand. That part of the conversation lasted so long, that I finally told her: "do you want to see my GAY card?" She really believed we had those. I left her with this: "see, we come in all shapes, sizes, and styles. All types of morals, be careful the next time you decide to preach your hate." She cried.

3 comments: said...

Damn girl, I'm sorry you had to go through all that - SOOO much workplace stuff too!

I've been lucky enough to never have trouble at work b/c of it...

I'm so glad you sued! That'll teach 'em!

p.Johanna said...

yeah, for a while there i was a real heterophobe. i strongly believe in things happen for a reason and that first job at MTV really helped me get rid of that fear of being around str8 people, but then again, everyone in the industry are just freaks. said...

LOL -- well good for you -- I'm glad you found some peace. :)