Friday, February 20, 2009

The Velvet Margarita

So she calls me around 3 p.m. and I couldn't answer the phone. She leaves me a message asking me if we were still on for Thursday night and where. I immediately call my bff and told her the following: I called her Tuesday and this weird answering machine went on and I didn't leave a message cause I don't like leaving messages, especially when it sounds like a community voice mail. I haven't heard from this woman and now she calls me at 3 pm and it is uncomfortable for me. My bff narrows it down: "Are you being lazy?" Me, "aaaah, yes" My bff gives me a woop in my ass: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT THAT YOU ARE ALL ALONE....BLAH BLAH BLAH. I mean, she really let me have it. I said, "ok" and my bff said, "no, don't just tell me ok" so after talking to my bff I called this chick back, and it just kept ringing. So, I thought, Who in the hell gives out their home phone now a days? An hour after that, I try again. This time that random voice mail comes on, I left a message, and I sound annoyed. Around 5:30 p.m. she calls me and tells me the time and the place, of which I push the time to 9pm. I then asked her: how am I gonna know you are there? I asked her: do you have a cell phone? She laughed. Said that she remembered me. Asked me if I remembered her. My response: "kind of". She told me she had a cell phone, but leaves it in her car. Ok. that really tripped me out. I have my phone on me at ALL TIMES.

I rush home, get ready. My sister texts me that Peanut was drinking his milk near Jacob (other nephew) while Jake was on his laptop. So she told Jake, "watch out, Peanut might spill the milk" of which Jake says: "Why? Is the laptop lactose intolerant?" I was rushing and didn't get the joke, so my sis, text me: "are you ignoring me or laughing hard?" I then text her that I got it, but was getting ready for my 'date'. She thought it was late. And the minute we were texting each other a thought flashed through my head: What if she was born a male? I mean seriously. So, I text my sister: "I HOPE SHE WASN'T A GUY AT BIRTH". At this point I am driving to the place with 20 minutes to spare. The place is by my work. My sister (who thinks I'm crazy) just types LOL and "best of both world".

Parking was a nightmare. I finally found parking and as I am walking to the place she calls me from her cell telling me she was a bit late. I told her she was "fired" and get to the bar. I haven't had dinner and order a margarita on the rocks. I hate hetero bars. She came in and came right to me. She is tall, blond and well, tall.

We are shooting the shit and this man walks up to the bar BETWEEN us. His friend (looks like Bill Gates) walks to my left. The man makes a comment about her breasts and getting his drink. I don't like that shit, but I don't make a fuss. He was around us for a lengthy time of which she notices that I start getting irritable so she tells him: "I'M GAY AND I'M WITH HER". He looks at me, of which he just gets the stare. So, he gets his drink and walks away.

At this point, I am getting the vibe. Yeah, the vibe that turns me into "P". My friends know it. I asked her how many numbers she got from that thing we did. She says 6. She asked me how many I got, after my description of NOT MARKING THE SHEET, I tell her 4. She tells me she didn't think I was her type and was surprised I marked her. I didn't say anything. She asked me how long have I been single, I say 3 years. She was impressed. I told her about psycho and that didn't impress her one bit. It turns out that we both got this Argentine's number. She met the Argentine, I haven't called her. So, it only makes me a stronger, more aggressive "P".

So, the men come back to us, at which I am truly annoyed. I looked at him as he is leaning between us both and say, "WTF? she told you already, she is with me" his response: "I'm interested in you, not her". Ok, I couldn't help but smile. I looked at her and rolled my eyes, and tell his friend that he looks like Bill Gates and to please get his friend away from me. His friend tells him to leave us alone and the guy starts telling me that HE is a true lesbian. I look at him, square in the face (I'm ready to be an asshole) and tell him that I have heard all the stupid lines and I really don't feel like getting ghetto in front of her and that I want him to leave us alone, or else... He smiles and said something (I don't remember) and walks away. She looks at me and says she is impressed that I didn't get mad. I told her the truth: I have a bad temper when it comes to that, but didn't feel like letting her see that. She gets into this discussion about her ex being hispanic and she doesn't like hispanic tempers. Of which I tell her, "oh, well, I'm not the one for you" then she kissed me.

AT A STRAIGHT BAR, that was my thought as she kissed me. She looks at me and tells me: "why did you put yes for me if you are not into me?" I really didn't have an answer so I said, "I'm not used to kissing in straight places". She asked me if I'm in the closet. I told her I'm not but I don't like kissing in public hetero places, it makes me feel 'weird'. She kissed me again, with force.

I turned from that kiss and ordered a stronger drink. She knew about psycho and me needing to drink while with psycho so she asked me if it was the same with her. At this point, I'm really feeling like "P", so I tell her, "listen, I'm an asshole I'm not going to lie to you, I really am. I just want you to know that I have made up my mind to try different things and well, you are different to me". We made out. There at the straight hetero bar and then we left.

I remember telling her to come over to my place on Friday and her telling me she isn't going to sleep with me and me smirking and telling her I didn't tell her to come over to sleep with me.

That was the 'date'.

She owns her own business: Web designing.


Linda said...

OMG! I always knew one day you would come the the WHITE side!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!! WHITE IS RIGHT sissy!!! And 6 ft tall?! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO!!!!!

cris said...

I kinda have to agree with Linda on this one. You're just bound to end up with a white chick. YOU CAN'T BREAK THE CYCLE!